Unselfish "Me" Time

Maybe the biggest lesson I've learned in the three years since becoming a mommy is that taking time for myself isn't selfish! 

I work at home and was lucky enough to have family help us out with my son for the first year! It was great having him at home! I was just a room away at all times, I never missed any of his "firsts", and I had no worries about his level of care.  It was wonderful! I knew it was important to still have some "couple" time with my husband after the baby and my husband and I had a fairly regular date nights, but there was no "me" time.  

The first time I was "alone" after my son was born, he was 8 months old, and I was driving to my company's main office.  The office is only an hour and a half drive from our home and the only time I had alone was the drive there and back.  I know, I know..... not exactly "me" time! But, it was in that moment when I realized it was the first time I had been alone without my son or without my husband since my son's birth. Crazy, right? I hadn't so much as had a hair cut or been to a doctor's appointment alone....  nothing! It was a beautiful day and I really did enjoy driving down the country roads, windows down, listening to the radio. It was nice, but I quickly felt guilty for enjoying my time away from my family.

Was there something wrong with me? Was I a bad mother or wife because I was enjoying the freedom I felt on that peaceful car ride? No!! There was nothing wrong with that! Everyone needs a little "me" time! It doesn't make you a bad mother or a bad wife! Unfortunately, I still didn't realize that! The next year and a half was riddled with very little "me" time. 

When our little girl was born, our son was 22 months old.  The first few months were a whirlwind! Our big boy was into everything! He's always been adventurous and he was at the perfect age to really keep us on our toes! Add a newborn into that mix and we were all exhausted! Right away we knew that our baby girl was going to have a rough start! She spent her first night hooked to an IV and in the nursery under the warmer, by her third night she was being treated for jaundice, and despite being released on day 4, we ended up back in the hospital on day 5 for more jaundice treatment.  She was also having trouble eating.  We recognized it right away and despite our concerns at the hospital, nothing was done. We were told it was because of her jaundice, but it proved to be more serious over the next several weeks. We ended up seeing our pediatrician weekly for weight checks for the first few months, having various tests done, and seeing a specialist at the Cincinnati Children's Hospital.  It was stressful to say the least!

My husband has battled depression for several years and despite having been medication free and feeling good for a long time, it was evident that our totally blessed, but stressful, life was becoming a lot for him to handle.  So I realized the need for him to have some time outside of the home other than work, doing something that he would enjoy.  I encouraged him to join our local volunteer fire department and it has been great for him.  He enjoys it, it gives him a little bit of time each week to just be a guy, to not have to worry about the pressures of being a husband, a father, or an employee. He's still here for his family and in many ways, it is a benefit for our family.  It helps to relieve some of his stress and allows him to enjoy the time he does get to spend at home with our family a little bit more.  Our big boy looks up to him for his service on the fire department and thinks it's awesome that daddy is a firefighter! It gives me a little time to spend alone with the kids and our family dynamic is a little different on the nights that it's just us! 

It was still several months after my husband joined the fire department before I realized how important it was for both parents to have a little "me" time.  It was easy for me to see how my husband needed this time, but I struggled to see that I needed it to.  I thought that it mean I was weak or selfish, not a good mother, somehow I justified in my mind that it was more acceptable that my husband needed his time than for me to need my time.  But, we all need a way to unwind and relieve our stress.  To meet those needs in our own lives improves our health and our happiness and in turn improves the relationships with those close to us. 

For me, I enjoy crafting.  It doesn't matter what I'm making, it just feels good to make something pretty! It is completely opposite from what I do all day at work and it helps me unwind! So this year, as part of my New Year, Better Me resolution, I'm making a commitment to set aside a few hours one night a week to craft, to spend some time doing something I want to do because I like to do it, not because I have to do it! Wish me luck! :)